What do you do when a loved one—especially those with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia—refuses to accept your help with personal care, such as bathing, dressing or using the bathroom? Do you allow them to let personal hygiene slide, soil their clothes or room, and risk a serious accident? Or face an equally dangerous battle of the wills? There is a tender balance between helping your loved one maintain safe, effective personal care and retaining their human dignity.
With a little understanding and some tips to help, you can meet these personal care conflicts with more success and less distress.
Personal care distress can be triggered by a variety of causes:
- Loss of control. Seniors may feel like their independence and autonomy are slipping away. Keeping control over the most basic functions becomes critical to them.
- What can help: Let your loved one maintain as much control as possible. Come up with compromises that won’t sacrifice safety. Allowing her to wear a mismatched outfit of her choice may be a better compromise than letting her dress with no assistance.
- Adherence to tradition. Standards of hygiene were far different when today’s seniors were younger, and a weekly bath, rather than a daily one, was normal. A senior whose memory is unclear may revert back to those days and balk at the idea of a daily bath or shower.
- What can help: Use positive, motivating language to encourage your loved one to see things from a different perspective. For example, use bath time as preparation for a fun activity, such as a lunch date, for which she certainly will want to look and feel her best.
- Fear of the experience. The thought of bathing and dressing can stir up fear in older adults, and rightfully so. The risk of falling while in the tub or getting on or off the toilet is a real danger. Some seniors with dementia also become fearful of the sound of running water, or distressed by the feel of water that’s too warm or too cool.
- What can help: Install safety modifications, such as grab bars beside the tub and toilet and elevated toilet seats, to reduce the risk of falling. Using a soft, soothing voice and explaining each step of the process in advance can also help.
When you begin daily personal care time with your loved one, keep these tips in mind:
- Always allow as much independence as possible to enhance self-esteem.
- Make sure the room is warm, use comfortable, calming lighting, and maintain as much privacy as possible.
- Lay out clothing in the order that each piece should be put on, gently giving guidance for each step if needed.
At Caring Solutions of Connecticut, we know how hard it can be for a family member to provide personal care for a senior loved one.
Contact us at 877-369-5602 for more tips or to arrange for help from our fully trained and experienced caregivers. We want to give both you and your loved one peace of mind!